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2017-09-29
Thus, the only alternative is to leave
Apple was 18 years old when her boy-friend got her pregnant and somehow the wedding bells never rang. A friend recommended a couple to her, and Apple relinquished her parental rights.
When she was 38 years old, through intermediation of The Child and Juvenile Adoption Information Center (CJAIC) her child found her.
THUS, THE ONLY ALTERNATIVE IS TO LEAVE
Apple's Story
Remembering the bygone days, being young, being foolish, with a devastating lack of social experiences, I thought I was head over heels in true love, I couldn't wait to finish my senior high school year and eloped with my boy-friend. When I was 18, I became pregnant, and during that time I found out my boyfriend had a new sweetheart. I had not only not finish high school, I also did not know how to achieve financial ability to support myself plus a child, in addition the news of my unwed pregnancy would have shamed my parents, they would suffer and the shame was unbearable. I convinced myself that there was no other way but to carry the child to full term and subsequently place it for adoption.After giving birth to my child, my mother made an adoption plan and handled all the procedure, I have no idea who were the newborn's adoptive parents. My family hid any information regarding the whereabout of my child from me. Later on, I had anxiety attack, suffered depression, instability of temperament, not to mention sleepless nights, guilt, self loathing, Emotionally, I was a total wreck, Among other things there were no one I could turn to, it was like being cut off from the rest of the world. I hated my boy-friend's betrayal, blamed him for ruining my life. I swore I would never want to have anything to do with him anymore.
MY TREMBLING, BEWILDERING HEART
As time went by, although I got married and had other children, deep down in my heart, the image of the child I had only glimpsed once, those many years ago, that picture is always there. The truth of my unwed pregnancy needed to be buried in my memories, I couldn't afford to let my present husband and children know the fact that I ever had given birth before, to a little boy.
In my memory, my parents' phone number had never changed. Few years ago without forewarning, somehow my son found my parents' number and made a call to them. My parents were so shocked and frightened they immediately changed their phone number, whereas I longed for and dreamed of reuniting with my son.
After a while I received a letter from the Child and Juvenile Adoption Information Center (CJAIC), saying my son had turned to them to find me. I was worried, full of apprehension and even suspected a swindle. I contacted the CJAIC and confirmed the true status of the case. After twenty long years, I was eager to know my boy's present condition, whether he was loved and treated well by his adoptive parents, these were those endless questions in my mind. But, on the other hand, I felt in a dilemma, and uncertain that my son would understand and accept the explanations and the emotion I was going to show him once we had met. I also worried about things between his birth father and I, the man I had tried to forget and swore not to have anything to do with. Would I be able to accept the fact and control my cool if the boy looks like his birth- father? I was caught between a rock and a hard place. Nevertheless, with grace from Heaven, I hoped that I would have a chance to make things up for my long-lost son. After talking to the social worker in charge I realized that my son equally wished to meet me. We wished to be united to unknot the tangles of the past. For my own sake and helping my son to realize his dream, I agreed to meet him.
Seeing my son growing to be a capable and bright young man, I was very grateful to the adoptive parents for the love and tolerance they had given him. I treasured the chance and time to be with him, I wish to support him, encourage him, be his friend. I hope somehow I can fill up the gap of the negligence and obligation I owed him under the circumstance of having kept the whole truth as an absolute secret. However I couldn't provide my son with neither phone number nor address, so we can only keep in touch by Facebook or Line.
PRESSURE AND SUFFERING OF GUILTY CONSCIENCE
Although I had no intention to see my son's birth father again, my son begged to know things about his past and present life. I had no choice but surrender myself to the pressure. I met up with his birth father to learn the missing part of his life then related the message to my son. However, fear that my constant contact with my son may be found out by my present family caused me a great deal of stress and guilt. Moreover, the burden of the continuously interactive secrecy with the birth-father physically took a toll on me, I would not sleep, I became absent-minded and stared vacantly into space, I was forgetful, doing the same thing over and over again.
In order not to harm my present family as well as preventing the excess burden to my body and soul, and of course to show my appreciation of the adoptive parents, I didn't want my re-appearance cause complication and effect his attitude changing towards his adoptive parents. My son needs to have the decency to show his filial piety and devotion to them. After long and hard pondering, I decided to recede a step and wrote a final letter to my son and his birth father regarding all the delicate truth. An ultimatum letter informed my son to have direct contact with his birth father, and if he wished to contact me in the future, he needed to convey the message through the CJAIC.
Half a year has gone by, my emotions went through a roller coaster. I cherish and am grateful for the chance of meeting my son, knowing that he is a university student, polite and a young man with good temperament. But on the other hand, I worries about his easily getting himself into a dead-end through sheer stubbornness; how will be his attitude towards his adoptive parents from now on? Does he understand giving birth does not make a mother and placing a child for adoption does not make her less of one! I do hope and expect my son would understand my perplexity and frustration. I further wish him to have forever happiness, a good life and to treasure everything that will come along with his future life.
THE COMPANIONSHIP
Somehow I believe that when two hearts touched, they can never be completely separated. Looking back these past few months, I say a thousand thanks to the establishment of CJAIC by the Government, not only I got the chance to see my son, I had all the help and good ears to hear my complaints, through the good-hearted social workers, they listen, they provide advices, they smoothed the waves which made me felt safe and I trust them completely. I would say that having you girls to keep me company to go through this difficult time is marvelous!