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2017-07-27
To know the wonderful you: A mother_Sicily's story
Through the Center for Unwed Mother I had signed the paper to relinquish the custardy of my own child to an American couple when she was one week old. Nearly 40 years later, my daughter found me with the help of CJAIC.
TO KNOW THE WONDERFUL YOU
A mother _Sicily's story
It has been a while since the communication between I and my daughter started. Due to the geographical distances as well as busy with our own works and families, we don't get the time to have frequent contacts with each other. But I am so grateful to have the chance and blessing to meet and to know her.To keep the secrecy to myself
I was in my 20s when I met my daughter's birth-father. To say I was young and naive was a bit of stretch. When we started going out, we never had the consensus of forming a family. After the accidental pregnancy, both of us had the opinion that marriage was not what we wanted. To get married constrained by having the child, the marriage would have never worked. At the time of my pregnancy, the custom was quite conservative, furthermore I was born in a very traditional family, I could't imagine what burden, prejudice and worries would cause my family. I decided to keep the secrecy to myself without any member of my family knowing it. The question of being capable or not to rear the child all by myself was a deep concern to me. Is't it that if you love someone unconditionally and with your whole heart then you should do what is the best for them? After long and hard consideration, I realize that giving birth and find my daughter a good home and giving her a better chance should be the priority to her happiness. Finally I had made up my mind during the pregnancy to find my child a new loving family. My daughter's birth father knew my intention after a while but was supportive and respect my decision.
After the birth of my daughter, the Unwed Mother Center found me an American couple who was looking to adopt a baby from Taiwan. As we are all having the same faith in God, I believe this is the answer to my prayer from the heavenly Devine. Without doubt I was convinced that the couple will take good care of my daughter and giving her what she couldn't get from me.
In order to forget my selfish decision, I threw myself into work completely. Although I never regretted the decision I made in the first place, I felt terribly sad and suffering from the sense of self denial after giving up the parenting plan even though knowing and believing the decision I made was the best and right one in view of my daughter's future. The thought of wishing to see my daughter and wondering what is her present condition is lingering in my mind always.
I am a very independent person, living by myself all these years. Meeting my present husband in my middle age, we had decided to get marry. When we were courting each other, we were quite open minded and wouldn't mention our past experiences to each other, and this could be the reason that I never mentioned to him that I had a daughter. So when my daughter found me through the help of CJAIC, I had made up my mind to continue keeping this secrecy from my husband.
Nearly 40 years later
When I was much younger I had tried many times to find my daughter, wishing to know something about her, but the sense of not to disturb the adopted family and fearing of secrecy being exposed, I had given up the thought and telling and encouraging myself that the decision was right and I should not regret. Many years later, I again tried all kind of ways to find my daughter from website or Facebook in vain. Going through times and again's defeated, I was almost in the verge to accept the cruel facts. Heaven helps the fool! I could never believe that after nearly 40 years' separation from my daughter I had received a letter from CJAIC telling me my daughter is looking for me.
It was such a wonderful surprise, although I had to admit that there was thought of complication and doubt, my heart was full of excitement, my mind was full of imagination, I had thought of this moment for so long, there was no way that I would back off now. Furthermore the curiosity of meeting and knowing what is becoming of my daughter made me took the action of contacting the CJAIC immediately.
Because of my daughter's searching for me, I found out that the secrecy that I thought of carrying to the grave was known by my whole family long time ago. Nobody ever mentioned the case to me, I was so grateful for their understanding.
Since there was no language barrier between my daughter and me, we asked the permission from the CJAIC for each others contact information. Although CJAIC couldn't arrange our meeting due to the long distance, we are very grateful for the existence of this center which formed as a bridge for so many unfortunate families like us to regain the long lost affection. We started e-mail communication, we exchange informations regarding our families, the medical history of my family…etc. I am deeply indebted to the adoptive parents who has treated my daughter as their own, giving her a loving and warm home and good education; My daughter is married to a wonderful and helpful gentlemen and is now a mother of 3 lovely children, furthermore has a job who enjoyed working immensely.
After sometimes' long distance communication, we met in Taiwan for a few days. It was her first time back after the adoption. I consider myself being a calm and rational person and had the ability to control my emotion. Nevertheless, once we hugged each other, I just couldn't restrain my tears. It was a magic and unforgettable moment.
Blessing from the adoptive mother
Due to my daughter's tight schedule we only had few days together in Taiwan, Wishing to have more understanding about her birth place, we visited few culture monuments, we talked for long hours, we were eager to know each other better, I am thankful to my daughter for her understanding and forgiveness regarding the adoption, to her adoptive parents I bow my head and say million of thanks for their loving cares and devotion. Preparing for our meeting, the adoptive mother wrote me a letter wishing us having a wonderful time together and telling me that my daughter does all parents proud. I am so moved, happy and humbled.
I always keep an open mind whether my daughter and I will keep the regular contact in the future. After all, the long distances and having our own family and work to take care of is a challenge. Furthermore I do believe one shouldn't expect a lost relationship after so many years can be rekindled in a short time. But I do wish that I can meet my 3 grandchildren and son-in-law in the very near future.